by Kiki Nelson | Apr 21, 2017 | Animals, Ettiquette, Uncategorized
This week’s question comes from Susan in Virginia:
“What is the best and most polite way to ask for someone to host me for a few days? I’m traveling to the Phoenix area to visit my mom in a nursing home. I used to live there and became friends with a neighbor and even did some pet sitting for him on more than one occasion. His cat and I love one another dearly. I even did a light vacuuming while he was gone for a week at a time. After we moved to Virginia, we stayed in touch and I find I’m going to be back in the Phoenix area in 2 weeks, and hotels and AirBnB are a small fortune after paying for a flight and rental car to go see mom. Is there a nice way to ask to use his spare bedroom without coming off as rude or pushy? If he says no, I’m OK with that. I want your expert opinion before I ask him. Thanks for your advice.”
Great question and one I have both asked and received.
There are two basic approaches.
Inform the prospective host of your upcoming trip and suggest getting together for a drink, cup of coffee, or lunch. If he responds to your correspondence with an invitation to stay at his house, great. If not, you need to be willing to follow through with your get together and pay for it–which is why I suggest an inexpensive visit rather than dinner. Even if he does not take the bait, it may lay the ground work for future visits.
The second option is to simply come right out and ask if you can stay at his home. I would keep it very simple with something like, “I will be in town to visit Mom at the Shady Pines from April 20 to the 24. I was hoping I might stay with you and Mr. Fuzzy Whiskers. I can fend for myself for meals but would like to treat you to dinner one night. Please feel to decline my request, no explanation needed and no hard feelings on my part. There is plenty of time to make other arrangements. If you are not up for hosting, perhaps we could still get together for a visit?” I would not mention the expense factor.
These suggestions are predicated on two basic assumptions: 1) you really enjoy the potential host’s company and genuinely want to spend time with him; 2) you are confident he won’t take this as a romantic overture. That would be awkward at best, cruel at worst.
I hope this helps and you’ll let me know what happens.
Side note: I know how difficult it is to have an elderly relative in a nursing home. Visits are bitter sweet and can be emotionally draining for both parties. We all need to support folks who have had to make this tough transition.
Thank you for visiting,
Kiki
by Kiki Nelson | Apr 19, 2017 | Ettiquette, Holidays, Host, Hostess
What’s worse than overzealous security personnel on a United Flight? Little Bunny Flu Flu!
Little Bunny Flu Flu,
Hoping through the air ducts;
Jumping on the passengers;
And giving them a bug!
My husband came home from a trip to Colorado with some extra baggage, a really nasty virus. That left me to take care of him and prep for Easter weekend and a cabin full of houseguests, one of whom was a Home Ec teacher. This wonderful lady actually made a career out of home making and is really good at it. She does not judge, but I can’t help making sure my home is extra polished for her visits. As if that isn’t intimidating enough, she’s also an amazing cook. Here’s what she brought for the weekend:
- Homemade cheese;
- An assortment of meats;
- A bundt cake;
- Two dozen pastries;
- Fruit Salad;
- Green Salad with homemade dressing;
- Pierogis;
- Asparagus-feta tarts;
- Shrimp ceviche;
- Two bags of thick-cut potato chips;
- Butter in the shape of a bunny; and
- A Partridge in a pear tree!
This doesn’t even include a wide assortment of beverages both alcoholic and nonalcoholic. As you can imagine, this lady is in high demand as a house guest. She and her husband are booked months in advance.
My husband managed to rally a bit by the time the first guest arrived, but was still pretty weak so I volunteered to drive with one guest to the Easter vigil at the Catholic Church on Saturday night. That sucker lasted two and a half hours. There must have been a lot of grace going on in there.
When we got home from church at 10:00 pm, we found the oldest and youngest cousins had discovered my stash of Easter candy for the next day and were hunched over it like zombies with a particularly plump corpse. Did I mention these cousins are 26 and 49? Apparently they also tucked into the stash of Gin, because they thought this whole scene was hilarious!
The good news is we all had a fantastic time with great conversation, great food, an amazing session of star gazing, and a lot of laughter. This Easter was another hosting opportunity that made me truly grateful for the blessings of my family and friends.
The bad news is, as that last guest pulled out of the driveway I felt that tell-tale tickle in the back of my throat. I now have the flu. Thanks a lot Little Bunny Flu Flu.
Thank you for visiting,
Kiki
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 29, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess, Reunions
About a year ago I hosted six of my closest female friends from high school for a mini-reunion. This may have been the first time all of us had been together in one place since graduation; I know it was the first time we’d been together without the distractions of spouses, children, or other classmates.
There is something about hosting women that sends me into crazed-preparation mode. If I’m hosting a man, I might clean the toilet. If I’m hosting a woman I turn into Rosie Jetson on rocket fuel, dusting the basement rafters and detailing the cat. When did I become more concerned with the looks of my house than my own looks? Is it just me?
When you’re hosting, events tend to go by in a blur as you’re dealing with details, and that’s what happened to me with this reunion. But there are some lasting impressions.
Sorry to be cliché but, “we picked right up as though we’d never been apart,” sharing our memories, lives, and emotions. There’s something about spending your teenage years together that creates an enduring bond of familiarity.
We talked about boyfriends and spouses. We compared notes about the high school guys we dated, what they were like, why the relationships ended. Our fumblings with teenage lust and infatuation were pretty funny. Some of the lines guys used back then are really hilarious! For instance, “Don’t you just love the way skin feels on skin? Let’s pull up our shirts and touch stomachs.” Two of the ladies married their high school sweethearts, one of whom has the closest thing to a fairy tale marriage I’ve ever known. The other high school marriage lasted only a few years. We also talked about betrayal and the scars it leaves on your ability to trust going forward.
We talked about losing our parents, a discussion that led to revelations about my classmates’ childhood struggles that I didn’t know about at the time. I realized I was tremendously self-absorbed back then, and I hope that’s changed. It was fun to hear their memories of my parents, who were considered “quirky” for the times. My dad told a friend her prom dress looked just like our shower curtain. Another was made to sit on our front porch during dinner for calling him “sir” one too many times. Intellectually we all know we’re now the senior generation and next in line for the cosmic compost heap, but I don’t think any of us are really ready to accept it yet.
After all the reminiscing and catching up, we talked about motherhood. When you’re the mother of sons, your energy goes into keeping them alive until adulthood. When you’re the mother of daughters you just try not to kill them. Several of us had received calls from our sons that went like this, “Hey mom, how’s it going? Just out of curiosity, what’s my blood type?” My son actually called me once and said, “Hey mom, when do you know it’s time to go to the emergency room?”
We also talked about parenting experiences that did not end in amusing anecdotes. I was deeply touched by two of the women who were witnessing their adult children go through tragic losses, and were deeply affected by their inability to make the pain go away as they did when their kids were young.
As I sat among these friends, feeling a profound sense of wisdom and survival, I glanced up and saw one of the ladies pressing her bare butt checks against the picture window, mooning us. We laughed until Chardonnay came out our noses. Some things never change.
Thank you for visiting and I hope you’ll share comments and advice about your own reunion experiences.
Kiki
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 22, 2017 | Animals, Ettiquette, Host, Hostess
This week’s blog is dedicated to my K-9 friend Beau Call, who is now sniffing butts in doggie heaven. He was a good and faithful servant. The pic with this post is not Beau, he was much more dignified.
This week I address the challenge of pets and houseguesting.
I would like to thank my veterinarians from Ashland Veterinary Hospital (ashlandvethospital.com) for providing me with their expertise on the subject.
First of all, don’t travel with cats unless you have to. My vets agree with me on this one. Cats are creatures of habit and generally don’t travel well. You’re always welcome to disagree with me, but you’ll have to wait until I’ve staunched the bleeding from my last trip to my sister’s with my cat!
That pretty much leaves dogs, and I must say that some of our best guests have been dogs…I’m looking at you Puddles.
Suggestions for the Guest:
- You are responsible for your dog’s behavior at all times.
“There are people who think their dogs will never do something aggressive…and they do. Even the nicest dogs will snap.” The Ashland Vets advise keeping your dog on a leash while indoors, especially if there are children or other pets in the host’s home. They say that by erring on the side of caution you are protecting your dog as well as those they come into contact with.
- Make sure your dog is up to date on all shots and medications recommended by your vet and find out about the environment where you will be staying. You may need preventative medicines that aren’t necessary in your home area.
- Don’t assume it’s OK to bring your dog with you as a houseguest without checking. This has happened to us.
- Ask permission once to bring your dog. If the host says “no” for any reason, please don’t press the point. That creates an awkward situation for the host.
- Put your dog’s kennel or ground pad in the guest room along with his toys and dishes. Feed the dog in this area and leave him there when you can’t watch him. This will prevent what the Vets call “resource guarding.” Rawhide is a common source of resource guarding.
- Pick up your dog’s poop from the host’s yard and let them know where you have deposited the load so the host isn’t surprised when they take out the trash.
- Don’t let your dog dig in the host’s yard.
- Dogs that jump on people and furniture are not cute to anyone but their owners. Another good reason to keep visiting dogs on a leash when inside.
- Exercise the dog so it is calmer indoors.
- Don’t ever blame the host (or the host’s pets) for your dog’s behavior. Remember, you have created this situation.
Suggestions for the Host:
- I repeat my number one Best Practice for Hosts, “Your ultimate responsibility is for the safety and well being of the family and household you have created.” If you have any reservations about hosting a pet, it is your job to say “no.” You are not required to provide a lengthy explanation. If you provide specific reasons they can be countered with comments such as, “Oh, my dog is hypo allergenic.”
- If you decline to host a guest’s pet, offer alternatives such as a local kennel or veterinarian that boards. “I’m sorry we can’t accommodate Ginger at our home, but I’ve heard good things about ____________.”
- Warn your guest of any issues they may have with a pet at your home. For instance, you may have an aggressive or elderly dog who does not play well with others. Or, your apartment is on the 21st floor and the elevator is slow. You get the idea.
- If you agree to host an animal try to relax and enjoy the visit. Right Puddles?
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 17, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess
First of all, thank you for all the responses to last week’s question. The general consensus is, strip those sheets.
This week’s Question of the Week comes from Liz in Virginia.
She’d like your thoughts on long-term house guests. In this case it’s an adult sibling who is trying to get back on their feet after a financial setback. At what point do they go from guest to freeloader? How should they contribute to the household? When does a host go from helpful to enabler?
The comment section is right below, have at it!
Stay tuned for next week’s post on houseguesting with pets.
Thank you for visiting,
Kiki
