“Sorry Dude. Not a good time for a visit.”
I got more comments regarding my Easter post on Wednesday than any other post so far. Thank you! However, I didn’t get any questions for my Friday Question of the Week. According to the book Blogging for Dummies, it’s important to be really honest with your readers. So rather than cheat and make up a question, I will expand on my first “Best Practice” of hosting. By the way, Blogging for Dummies by Amy Lupold Bair, is a really good place to start if you’re interested in blogging. I am not being paid to promote this book.
Best Practice #1 (See my first post for all of my Best Practices for both hosts and house guests)
Your ultimate responsibility is for the safety and well being of the family and household you have created. This doesn’t mean you can’t be gracious.
Who, what, when, and how you allow guests into your home is totally in your control. If you are not feeling it for any reason, it’s OK to say “no.” For those of you who have a hard time with this word it is pronounced “NO”. In some cases, as in potentially dangerous situations, it’s your responsibility to say no. And you don’t need to give a long explanation that can be challenged. A simple “I’m sorry but that’s not going to work for me.” Is all the explanation needed.
“But Kiki,” you might say, “If I say no to a visitor it will hurt their feelings and may damage a friendship or a family relationship.” Yes, I suppose that’s true. But consider this, what’s going to damage your relationship most in the long run, gritting your teeth and being on edge during a visit…or saying no and skipping the resentment?
This also might be a good time to set some limits with friends and family. My mother-in-law had a bad habit of inviting people to stay at our home without asking us first. Probably the worst offense was when she called and announced she had purchased four tickets to fly to Colorado with three of her young grand children and stay with us for a week! My husband was out of town for most of their visit, and I had two small children of my own. I distinctly remember waking up with my head in a laundry basket because I was so worn out by the end of their trip.
That’s not to say I did not welcome these kids, I really did. I am blessed with amazing nieces and nephews most of whom have stayed at my home for scheduled visits. But my mother-in-law should have asked first so we could set a better time. Had I said “I’m sorry but that’s not going to work for me. In the future please check with us first,” things might have been quite different going forward. The blame here was mine and my husband’s for not putting our family first.
I guess the bottom line is, don’t be a martyr to hosting. If you know anything about official martyrs, they’re generally not a barrel of fun. If you say “yes” to guests when you’d rather say “no”, your resentment will show and put a damper on the visit.
Thank you for visiting,