by Kiki Nelson | Jul 5, 2017 | Animals, Diet, Ettiquette, Events, Holidays, Host, Hostess, Travel
I was fortunate to spend my Fourth of July weekend as the guest of a couple who live in a lovely home on Chesapeake Bay. I arrived on Saturday afternoon, about two hours before my hosts’ annual Fourth of July celebration began. I had been asked to arrive early, get settled, and help with a few chores.
Our hosts provide crabs and corn while everyone else brings a side and their beverage of choice. This leads me to a hosting issue which I hear frequently. When hosting such an event is it better to assign sides or let the chips (and dips) fall where they may? If it’s a large event such as this, I like the free-form event. Folks get to make their specialties and if someone doesn’t show up, there isn’t a hole at the table that the hostess may feel obligated to fill at the last minute. But I know it bothers some folks to have too much of one thing and not enough of another. In this case we had a lot of pasta salad and one guest was heard to remark, “With a little planning this wouldn’t have happened.” I guess my thought is, who cares? Thoughts?
Several couples spent the night and I was in charge of breakfast Sunday morning. As usual we had an assortment of diets including vegetarian, pescitarian, and pregnant. With the help of another guest I made a huge load of bacon, pancakes, homemade blackberry syrup, fruit salad, and watermelon salad. For future reference, that combination seemed to work really well. Two of the couples peeled off to go home and the remaining six people spent a relaxing day puddling around in the water and eating leftovers.
On Monday we gave our hosts a break and went to Calvert Cliffs along with the other remaining guest couple. I almost hate to promote it, but this is an amazing 4 mile hike along a shaded path through forest and bordering several different ecosystems. You end up at a small swimming beach on the Bay with an amazing view of the cliffs. It’s also dog friendly, and our Boston Terrier swam for the first time. We headed about seven miles down Route 2 to Soloman’s Island for lunch. Again, found a dog friendly restaurant with shade and really good sandwiches. That night we took our hosts out to dinner. Really nice day.
On Tuesday, one couple went to check out Chesapeake Beach, two of us went to a small-town parade, and two of “us” stayed on the couch all day watching Robocop movies. I love a parade, there’s something about gathering with other people on Main Street America and complaining about their children that I enjoy. That night the other couple treated us all to pizza.
We could see fireworks from different localities from our hosts’ backyard every night. I also love fireworks.
This trip reinforced several of my best practices.
1) When you have a group staying at your house for several days, it’s helpful if people can entertain themselves, at least during the day.
2) It’s OK for people to do different things. Guests shouldn’t be pressured to participate in activities that don’t interest them. When someone on vacation is forced to do something they don’t want….it shows and takes away from the enjoyment of others.
3) Don’t complain or make negative comments about anything. If there is a serious safety or comfort problem, don’t whine about it, suggest a solution. “I know we need some room in the fridge. Mind if I toss this mayonnaise-based salad that was out on the sun for 10 hours?” “I know it’s just me, but do you mind if I turn the AC down just a couple of degrees?” You know stuff like that.
4) If you bring a pet, take responsibility for it! The first night, my bad cat woke everyone up at 5:00 am yowling in the hallway. Once again, my apologies.
I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.
Thank you for visiting.
by Kiki Nelson | Jun 21, 2017 | Animals, Events, Holidays, Host, Hostess, Travel
I am ashamed to say that before I visited Kuwait, I had some preconceived notions that seem incredibly ignorant to me now. Much of this naiveté stems from my previous notion that the “Middle East” was a fairly homogeneous place. I thought Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Kuwait were all pretty alike in terms of customs and culture. Turns out, much like the different countries of Europe and even regions of the United States, there are marked differences among the individual nations.
With this in mind, here are some of differences and similarities between Kuwait and the U.S. that struck me.
Similarities
Kuwait City is overrun with fast food joints. McDonalds, KFC, and Wendy’s are ubiquitous. One of my grandson’s first words was “Starbucks.” There are also some obvious knock offs like “Slim Chickens,” the name of which I found hilarious! Can you imagine giving a fast food restaurant in the U.S. a name that implies anything other than humongous portions?
Shopping malls are extremely popular in Kuwait and look just like those in the U.S. with many of the same stores which include Ikea and Sears. Because of the intense heat, indoor malls remain extremely popular and my hosts ran into several acquaintances even on short excursions.
Private vehicles are the main mode of transportation.
Differences
Kuwait is a dry country. Alcohol is illegal much like street drugs are illegal in the U.S. This lowered our restaurant tabs and heightened my attention to the food. Kuwaitis are proud of their traditional cuisine and rightly so, it is delicious. Some clever entrepreneur should start a “Kuwaiti Fried KaBob” franchise in the U.S. I’d be first in line. In compliance with the dietary laws of Islam, pork is not served in Kuwait. While I like bacon and ham as much as the next guy, I didn’t miss it.
The malls, and other indoor areas I visited, are spotless. When you leave a table it is cleaned immediately. There is no trash on the floors and the rest rooms are immaculate.
All the bathrooms I used had toilet paper along with a squirter thingy attached to the wall next to the toilet. It looks and operates like the sprayer on a kitchen faucet. I trust that I do not have to explain its use. However, I will share that it’s hard not to flood your hosts’ bathroom floor while learning to use the apparatus. Luckily things dry quickly in Kuwait.
There are five calls to prayer every day with additional religious obligations during the observance of Ramadan. These calls are chanted by a single male voice over some sort of PA system that can be heard by everyone inside or outside. Much like living near a train track, after a while I got used to it as normal background noise.
Car seats for children are not regularly used in Kuwait. In fact, many consider holding an infant in your arms the only safe way to transport a baby. They view strapping a child into a seat beyond your reach and line of vision as tantamount to neglectful parenting. Kuwaitis often tut tut westerners who practice what they view as a counterintuitive and ill-advised safety precaution. It was hard not to gawk at the older kids running amok in cars; climbing over seats, wrestling with siblings, sitting on their parents’ laps, or wedged between a seat and a window.
Kuwait City has feral cats much like many American cities have squirrels, and they are treated in much the same way. Some people consider it a kindness to feed and water them, while others view them as a filthy nuisance. I’m told that nonprofit efforts to address the feral cat population with shelters or catch- and-release programs have been unsuccessful.
Now for the elephant in the electronic room…covering. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m not an expert on Islam so I will not attempt to explain the religious, political, or historical ramifications of covering. But here’s what I learned as a visitor. Many people assume that all women are required to cover themselves to some extent anywhere in the Middle East. While I cannot speak to other countries, this is NOT true in Kuwait. I am told that to some extent, covering by female Muslims is a choice that depends on a number of factors including family traditions. It is not expected of visitors or women who are not Muslim. Those who cover do so in all public places and at private events where men who are not first-degree family will be in attendance.
There are degrees of covering which traditionally begins with puberty but can be adopted at any time. Many women cover their hair only. There are also a large number of women who cover their hair and street clothing. These garments are as varied in style as any genre of clothing. There are women who cover everything but their eyes. Then there are women who cover completely, from head to toe, mainly in black fabric, with varying degrees of ornamentation. This includes their faces, hands, and shoes. I saw complete covering only a handful of times during my visit.
I attended an all-female party in Kuwait, what we would call a baby shower except the baby had already arrived. When a male member of the hostess’s family arrived unexpectedly at the front door, he was shoed to another entrance so as not to embarrass those ladies who cover. It was at that point I realized I would not recognize many of the women at this party if I encountered them in public.
In general, all adult females, regardless of religion, dress more modestly in Kuwait than they do in the States. While you see women in yoga pants and tight jeans, you don’t see bare legs and tummies, tight tops, or cleavage.
Thank you for visiting.
Kiki
by Kiki Nelson | May 3, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess
This past weekend we were invited to the vacation home of friends in the Blue Ridge Mountains. On Saturday we went for a hike and while scrambling down a fairly steep and rocky path, a voice said, “Now close your eyes.” What!? Then our hostess said, “Damn, that’s my meditation app!” I can see the headlines now, Woman Falls to Her Death While Being Coerced to Meditate on Steep Mountain Trail; Lawsuit Being Considered. When the app continued to nag at her our hostess said, “Boy, she really wants me to meditate.” Our hostess explained that she gets so busy she has to be reminded to relax.
This lovely woman (cheekbones to die for) and her husband have extremely demanding jobs and all the social obligations that come with such jobs. They purchased this weekend home for the express purpose of getting away together and chilling out. This visit to their beautiful weekend home gave me the perfect opportunity to invoke one of my Best Practices for House Guests, Give Your Host Downtime and Privacy. “But Kiki,” you might say, “if they invited us don’t they want to spend time with us?” Yes, they do, but not every minute. No one is that interesting. I have had guests that attach themselves to my hip and quite literally stood at my counter and stared at me while I was trying to prepare a meal. No, go away.
There’s a fine line between giving your hosts downtime and ignoring them. Here are some ideas:
- In the morning, unless you’re on a schedule, linger in your room a little longer than you might normally at home.
- Take a walk.
- Bring lots of reading materials. If you’re tucked in to a novel, it gives your host the option to start a conversation…or not.
- If you knit or crochet, bring it with you. For your host, your project is both an opportunity for down time or a conversation starter.
- You can also fall back on one of my family favorites, take a nap. Naps are the new black.
- Offer (do not insist) to do the dishes and suggest your host relax with a cup of coffee.
- Television is an option but it is the host’s prerogative, not the guest’s. Televised sporting events create chances for folks to wander off for a spell and do their own thing.
- Be careful about spending too much time on your phone as it can give the impression that you prefer the company of people who are NOT there.
I have one frequent house guest who does daily yoga and invites her hosts to participate…or not. I would refrain from relaxation apps because you might fall down a mountain and that would NOT be relaxing for your host.
If you have any other suggestions, I’d love to hear them. The Comments Section is below.
Thank you for visiting.
Kiki
Photo courtesy of https://www.visitroanokeva.com/things-to-do/blue-ridge-parkway/hiking-trails/
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 10, 2017 | Ettiquette
My very first “question of the week” comes from Colorado, and you can bet she gets a lot of company.
“What is the best practice when it comes to bed linens when you’re leaving? Should house guests strip the bed or make it?”
When we lived in Seattle we had so much company, and I changed so many sheets, I felt like a Vegas motel maid with hourly rates (the motel, not the maid). So my answer is yes, strip the sheets and leave them in a heap on the bed along with the towels you used (unless the towels are wet, then drape them unfolded over a towel rack).
There are three main reasons for this:
- It’s easier for the host to collect stripped sheets for laundering;
- If the host has more than one bed in the guest room, they will know which bed was used. This is much more pleasant than a sniff test;
- If a guest makes the bed, the host might assume that guest simply makes the bed and doesn’t change sheets between occupants in their own home.
Feel free to disagree with me, it wouldn’t be the first time.
Thank you for visiting and I hope you’ll stay tuned for next week’s post,
Kiki
