Select Page
House Guests and Graduations…Don’t Invite Ted Koppel!

House Guests and Graduations…Don’t Invite Ted Koppel!

by | May 17, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess

When I graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in Broadcast Journalism (please don’t use the acronym), Ted Koppel was our keynote speaker. As you can imagine, those of us in the audience from Syracuse’s Newhouse School of Journalism were thrilled to have him there and cheered wildly. He looked right at our section and said, “Thanks. But there are still no jobs for you out there.” So you’re telling me, my family invested all this money to go to a really expensive private school and THIS is my going away gift!

Turns out I was employable, but it took a lot of time, effort, and low paying jobs to get to a point where I was existing above the poverty line. I’m sure Jenna Bush is a really lovely person but I hope she’ll understand that I shudder when I see her on national television then think of myself at my first professional gig working part time for minimum wage in a former key kiosk that had been turned into an all-news radio station. “Now Kiki,” you might say. “That sounds like sour grapes.” You’re damn right it is!

But what were we talking about….ah yes, house guests and graduation.

I’ve hosted a lot of graduation parties and the house guests that come with them and here’s my take.

When your host is throwing a party, the basic rules of etiquette are just a little different. You need to understand that you are not the main attraction and that your host has a lot going on. Try to make yourself useful, but if your host turns down help, graciously fade into the background, or better yet find something to do outside of the house.

Fend for yourself as much as possible. “Please don’t bother with breakfast for us. We saw this coffee shop down the street we can’t wait to try.”

Don’t make suggestions regarding the arrangements unless you were part of the planning, this is obnoxious.

Don’t provide food unless specifically asked. Chances are there is a menu planned and your offering might screw things up.

Put all your stuff in your designated area, preferably behind a closed door.

Don’t make demands of your host. They probably don’t have time to stop and set up the ironing board for you. This has actually happened to me on several occasions. And in my house who knows where the ironing board is, do I even have an ironing board?

Our eldest niece is a good example of a handy thing to have around for a party. First of all, she’ll do whatever you ask without question. One time I handed her a pair of pants to hem. Second of all, she’s really good at getting other “helpful” guests out of your hair. “Sweetie, would you help Aunt Agnes gather some lovely flowers in that meadow ten miles away?” “Why certainly Auntie, I’d be glad to do that.” This is actually not far from the truth.

Don’t get in the way of the caterers if they have them. In my case, the “caterer” is my sister. Guests tend to treat her like she’s free to chat. She is, but wait until the food is out and she’s holding a glass of wine or cold beer…that’s your sign to approach.

Make an effort to talk to guests who seem shy or socially awkward. This is incredibly helpful to your host. You obviously have something in common to get the conversation going.

When the party is over, offer to clean up but be sure to follow the host’s instructions carefully. You don’t want to throw out the good paper plates by accident.

Getting back to Ted Koppel, try really hard to say only positive things to and about the graduate.

Things not to say:

“I’ve heard the job market is really awful.”

“How you gonna pay off all those student loans?”

“I hear they’re hiring greeters at Walmart.” Not that there’s anything wrong with this job, it’s just an overused meme.

“So you’ve moved back in with the folks? How long is that going to last?”

“Let me tell you about my wildly successful child who had a full time job with benefits even before graduation!”

Here’s my favorite: “You got a degree in Broadcast Journalism?  So you’re going to work fast food, huh?”

You get the idea.

Congratulations to all the graduates and their families who read this. I wish you well. The only piece of advice I have is to keep your sense of humor. It’s even more important than your degree.

Thank you for visiting,

Kiki

photo attribution https://news.syr.edu/2016/05/commencement-2016-in-photos-and-video-79480/

My Family’s Mothers’ Day Traditions…Like Forgetting Mothers’ Day

My Family’s Mothers’ Day Traditions…Like Forgetting Mothers’ Day

by | May 10, 2017 | Ettiquette, Holidays, Host, Hostess

My dad was unintentionally hilarious.  He once asked me, in all seriousness, “Where do we keep the ice cream?” Another time he ate a bag of gerbil food at my sister’s house thinking it was granola. Google “Absent Minded Professor” and you may just find a picture of my dad looking confused. While my sainted mother was usually able to find humor in my father’s cluelessness, there were times when it wasn’t so funny.

One Mothers’ Day when my sister and I were far too young to understand the concept, my father found my mother out in the yard pulling weeds and weeping into the dandelions. When he asked her why she was upset, she informed him that it was Mothers’ Day and he’d done nothing to mark the occasion. He replied, “Well, you’re not MY mother.” They had no more children.

I assumed this male duh-factor was attributable only to my father. Then I got married.

My husband was at a work event and chatting with a young man who had recently become engaged. He told my husband the wedding was set for June of the following year. My husband replied, “My wife and I were married in June too.” The young man asked, “What date?” My husband said, “ June first.” The Young man said, “That’s today.”

So two generations of clueless men… coincidence or evidence based trend? Then I had a son.

One day when he was in college he called me from the Verizon store. “Hey Mom, (he always starts with “Hey Mom”). I need our account password to update my phone. “No, problem honey,” I replied. “The password is my birthday.” Pause… pause… pause…from my son’s end of the line. Then he says, “What do you mean it’s your birthday?” I say, “You know, the day, the month, and the year. Like you fill out on a form.” Pause…pause…pause. After a few more moments of pure evilness on my part, I let him off the hook and gave him the password. I’ve come up with far more sophisticated passwords since then, like the dog’s name or my address.

I’ve heard there are men who remember such events without being reminded by their spouses or Hallmark. Kind of like unicorns or flattering swimsuits.  And I’m not saying that male spouses and offspring don’t have other attributes, like opening jars and sticking up for you in bar fights. Perhaps I just expect too much?

There was the Mothers’ Day I spent in a hot crowded emergency room tending to my own mother, then came home to find my husband, daughter, and son had redecorated the alcove in my bedroom to look like the beach houses I love. Or my first Mothers’ Day when I came home after a night shift to find my baby daughter fat, happy, and sleeping soundly. There were also flowers, but the gift that year was having a husband who could love our child and participate in her care as much as I did.

Yes, it’s the mothers, wives, and daughters who keep the wheels oiled on the social locomotive. Who do you think came up with Mothers’ Day in the first place? But when they remember, the partners in parenthood do get it right sometimes, and get it right in a big way.

As for me, my daughter and I will Skype and my son is taking me out for brunch. Might be a good idea to make reservations Bud. It’s the busiest day of the year at restaurants.

Thank you for visiting,

Kiki

Question of the week. Long-term house guests, when is it time to say bye bye?

by | Mar 17, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess

First of all, thank you for all the responses to last week’s question. The general consensus is, strip those sheets.

This week’s Question of the Week comes from Liz in Virginia.

She’d like your thoughts on long-term house guests. In this case it’s an adult sibling who is trying to get back on their feet after a financial setback. At what point do they go from guest to freeloader? How should they contribute to the household? When does a host go from helpful to enabler?

The comment section is right below, have at it!

Stay tuned for next week’s post on houseguesting with pets.

Thank you for visiting,

Kiki

Pin It on Pinterest