by Kiki Nelson | Mar 29, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess, Reunions
About a year ago I hosted six of my closest female friends from high school for a mini-reunion. This may have been the first time all of us had been together in one place since graduation; I know it was the first time we’d been together without the distractions of spouses, children, or other classmates.
There is something about hosting women that sends me into crazed-preparation mode. If I’m hosting a man, I might clean the toilet. If I’m hosting a woman I turn into Rosie Jetson on rocket fuel, dusting the basement rafters and detailing the cat. When did I become more concerned with the looks of my house than my own looks? Is it just me?
When you’re hosting, events tend to go by in a blur as you’re dealing with details, and that’s what happened to me with this reunion. But there are some lasting impressions.
Sorry to be cliché but, “we picked right up as though we’d never been apart,” sharing our memories, lives, and emotions. There’s something about spending your teenage years together that creates an enduring bond of familiarity.
We talked about boyfriends and spouses. We compared notes about the high school guys we dated, what they were like, why the relationships ended. Our fumblings with teenage lust and infatuation were pretty funny. Some of the lines guys used back then are really hilarious! For instance, “Don’t you just love the way skin feels on skin? Let’s pull up our shirts and touch stomachs.” Two of the ladies married their high school sweethearts, one of whom has the closest thing to a fairy tale marriage I’ve ever known. The other high school marriage lasted only a few years. We also talked about betrayal and the scars it leaves on your ability to trust going forward.
We talked about losing our parents, a discussion that led to revelations about my classmates’ childhood struggles that I didn’t know about at the time. I realized I was tremendously self-absorbed back then, and I hope that’s changed. It was fun to hear their memories of my parents, who were considered “quirky” for the times. My dad told a friend her prom dress looked just like our shower curtain. Another was made to sit on our front porch during dinner for calling him “sir” one too many times. Intellectually we all know we’re now the senior generation and next in line for the cosmic compost heap, but I don’t think any of us are really ready to accept it yet.
After all the reminiscing and catching up, we talked about motherhood. When you’re the mother of sons, your energy goes into keeping them alive until adulthood. When you’re the mother of daughters you just try not to kill them. Several of us had received calls from our sons that went like this, “Hey mom, how’s it going? Just out of curiosity, what’s my blood type?” My son actually called me once and said, “Hey mom, when do you know it’s time to go to the emergency room?”
We also talked about parenting experiences that did not end in amusing anecdotes. I was deeply touched by two of the women who were witnessing their adult children go through tragic losses, and were deeply affected by their inability to make the pain go away as they did when their kids were young.
As I sat among these friends, feeling a profound sense of wisdom and survival, I glanced up and saw one of the ladies pressing her bare butt checks against the picture window, mooning us. We laughed until Chardonnay came out our noses. Some things never change.
Thank you for visiting and I hope you’ll share comments and advice about your own reunion experiences.
Kiki
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 24, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess, Question of the Week
An update: I researched this question for “expert” advice. While I found a lot of information, there was very little about challenges presented by people who come to visit the Hospice patient. That’s interesting because guests have been an issue (good and bad) in almost every Hospice situation I’m familiar with.
Here’s my number one piece of advice: Don’t be a swooper! A swooper is someone who comes in and, with the best of intentions, starts giving advice and even changing things up. This is not helpful and is often a terrible burden for the caregiver who must undo what the swooper has done. It can also upset the patient who starts to question their care. JUST DON’T DO IT!
I also found some solid advice at http://www.hospicenet.org/ An example is below.
Here are six steps you can take to be an effective caregiver:
- Work and communicate effectively with the patient.
- Support the patient’s spiritual concerns.
- Help to resolve the patient’s unfinished business.
- Work with health professionals.
- Work with family and friends.
- Take care of your own needs and feelings.
Original Post from Friday: This week’s question for my visitors to respond to comes from Dee in Virginia, and is one I can relate to after having my mother as a Hospice patient in our home. As my family was going through this difficult time, hearing the wisdom of others would have been such a gift. I am grateful to Dee for giving me the chance to offer that solace to others. I look forward to your comments.
“I would love to hear your thoughts on guests that come to visit a family member who is in hospice at your home and stay to ‘help’ and wish to spend precious time with the patient. Godsend or nightmare? Advice on walking that fine line on being accommodating to relatives and taking care of yourself. Thanks”
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 22, 2017 | Animals, Ettiquette, Host, Hostess
This week’s blog is dedicated to my K-9 friend Beau Call, who is now sniffing butts in doggie heaven. He was a good and faithful servant. The pic with this post is not Beau, he was much more dignified.
This week I address the challenge of pets and houseguesting.
I would like to thank my veterinarians from Ashland Veterinary Hospital (ashlandvethospital.com) for providing me with their expertise on the subject.
First of all, don’t travel with cats unless you have to. My vets agree with me on this one. Cats are creatures of habit and generally don’t travel well. You’re always welcome to disagree with me, but you’ll have to wait until I’ve staunched the bleeding from my last trip to my sister’s with my cat!
That pretty much leaves dogs, and I must say that some of our best guests have been dogs…I’m looking at you Puddles.
Suggestions for the Guest:
- You are responsible for your dog’s behavior at all times.
“There are people who think their dogs will never do something aggressive…and they do. Even the nicest dogs will snap.” The Ashland Vets advise keeping your dog on a leash while indoors, especially if there are children or other pets in the host’s home. They say that by erring on the side of caution you are protecting your dog as well as those they come into contact with.
- Make sure your dog is up to date on all shots and medications recommended by your vet and find out about the environment where you will be staying. You may need preventative medicines that aren’t necessary in your home area.
- Don’t assume it’s OK to bring your dog with you as a houseguest without checking. This has happened to us.
- Ask permission once to bring your dog. If the host says “no” for any reason, please don’t press the point. That creates an awkward situation for the host.
- Put your dog’s kennel or ground pad in the guest room along with his toys and dishes. Feed the dog in this area and leave him there when you can’t watch him. This will prevent what the Vets call “resource guarding.” Rawhide is a common source of resource guarding.
- Pick up your dog’s poop from the host’s yard and let them know where you have deposited the load so the host isn’t surprised when they take out the trash.
- Don’t let your dog dig in the host’s yard.
- Dogs that jump on people and furniture are not cute to anyone but their owners. Another good reason to keep visiting dogs on a leash when inside.
- Exercise the dog so it is calmer indoors.
- Don’t ever blame the host (or the host’s pets) for your dog’s behavior. Remember, you have created this situation.
Suggestions for the Host:
- I repeat my number one Best Practice for Hosts, “Your ultimate responsibility is for the safety and well being of the family and household you have created.” If you have any reservations about hosting a pet, it is your job to say “no.” You are not required to provide a lengthy explanation. If you provide specific reasons they can be countered with comments such as, “Oh, my dog is hypo allergenic.”
- If you decline to host a guest’s pet, offer alternatives such as a local kennel or veterinarian that boards. “I’m sorry we can’t accommodate Ginger at our home, but I’ve heard good things about ____________.”
- Warn your guest of any issues they may have with a pet at your home. For instance, you may have an aggressive or elderly dog who does not play well with others. Or, your apartment is on the 21st floor and the elevator is slow. You get the idea.
- If you agree to host an animal try to relax and enjoy the visit. Right Puddles?
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 17, 2017 | Ettiquette, Host, Hostess
First of all, thank you for all the responses to last week’s question. The general consensus is, strip those sheets.
This week’s Question of the Week comes from Liz in Virginia.
She’d like your thoughts on long-term house guests. In this case it’s an adult sibling who is trying to get back on their feet after a financial setback. At what point do they go from guest to freeloader? How should they contribute to the household? When does a host go from helpful to enabler?
The comment section is right below, have at it!
Stay tuned for next week’s post on houseguesting with pets.
Thank you for visiting,
Kiki
by Kiki Nelson | Mar 15, 2017 | Theme Parks
We’re in the thick of spring break and for some that means a trip to Disney World or other major attractions. I interviewed a hostess who lived within striking distance of three theme parks and hosted a lot of guests as a result. She offers some really good insight from the hostess’ POV.
LG lived near within 30 minutes of Disney World, Sea World, and Universal Studios for 31 years and during that time hosted about 125 houseguests who went to the parks.
Question: From the perspective of a hostess, what advice do you have for houseguests attending Disney World?
Answer: “The biggest thing to remember is that as a guest this is your wonderful vacation week, but for the host, it’s one of 4-8 weeks of house guests per year. Your host can’t treat every visit as their own vacation.” “We can pick you up from airport, but need our cars during the week, so provide your own transportation please.”
Question: What is an example of a good Disney World houseguest?
Answer: “Independent-go to parks by themselves, prepare own breakfast and lunch, grocery shop for own snacks & drinks, entertain themselves when host needs to run errands, work from home.
Spend some time with hosts and at least act like you’re visiting to see hosts as well as the theme parks. ;-)”
Question: What is an example of a bad Disney World houseguest?
Answer: “Don’t treat the host’s house like a hotel. Please don’t expect the host to clean, constantly cook, pick up your towels, do laundry, etc.”
Question: What do you like best for a hostess gift?
Answer: “Offering to host one dinner, either in a restaurant or grocery shop& cook, is a nice thank you.”
Question: Anything else you’d like to say that I haven’t thought of?
Answer: “Ask the host what s/he wants done with the towels and sheets. Stripping the beds and putting dirty sheets in a pillowcase placed in the laundry room is a big help. If you have time, putting new sheets on the bed will make you a guest angel. Some hosts may want you to start the towels in the washer.”
Thank you to LG for her thoughtful answers, and to her sister for putting us in touch with each other.
I’ll have my question of the week on Friday.
Thank you for visiting.
Kiki
